Less than meets the eye...

Giant space robot battles, and hot babes.

How can a combination of these two fail?

They found a way, dammit.

Yes, I finally watched Michael Bay's latest science fiction 'epic' based on a once awesome Hasbro toyline; Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen.

Where do I start?

The story. The itty-bitty little shreds of story squeezed between the dragged-out fighting scenes. I swear, after halfway to the movie, I stopped caring for these characters. The ending was very, VERY anti-climactic. I can't say anything about plot holes nor continuity logic, since I turned off my brain after the first few minutes.

The there's the Transformers themselves. Other than Optimus Prime, that old guy, and the villains (which, I swear, got boring), none of the major Transformers say more than two lines, most of 'em are generic quotes like "Watch out!" or "Lock and Load!". And the ones that do talk a lot; the twins and tiny, wisecracking scientist robot with the accent, are annoying as hell. This is exactly what Jar Jar Binks did to Star Wars! Why oh why do these guys exist?! I hate the Transformers in this movie.

Now, you might be telling me "but what about the special effects?! Surely you must enjoy the big fighting scenes!"

No, no I didn't. And don't call me Shirley.

Why? The fighting scenes are CONFUSING. Yes! Even the fighting scenes are also unintelligible. I simply can't tell between one robot and another! They're just fast-moving blurry lines on the screen, accompanied by some loud noises.

If there's anything I remotely enjoy in the movie, it's John Turturro and the two scenes with Rainn Wilson.

I left the theatre without any feelings of wonder nor excitement. Instead, I got worried by the fact that Michael Bay was rumored to direct MIB 3. Satan's laughing at us right now.

I can't believe people would enjoy this so much, that they actually watched it multiple times. You know who you are...

PS: Here's an impression of people who actually liked the movie, courtesy of the Nostalgia Critic.